Tales of a Zany Mystic

Chapter Seven

7 Days in a Psych Ward

"All truth passes through 3 stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently op-
posed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident"

Arthur Schopenhauer

It was strange that my T-cells, the "marker" for the health of the immune system, had not changed substantially in 5 years. This flies in the face of reason. Everything we're told that is "bad" for someone with HIV, I did. Speed keeps you up all night. There were many nights without sleep, using drugs and having unprotected sex with 2 - 3 partners daily. Not eating or drinking enough water was routine. I wanted to do things differently and encouraged others to drink flu-ids and to snack. Of course, while in the throes of intense play, the focus is hardly on health. I used to work up quite a sweat, so perhaps that was helpful. I can hardly claim it's a cure! Nonetheless, I began to wonder if sex and drugs might be crucial factors in living with AIDS. I learned this: Happiness is a factor.

All my partners were "positive". There may have been "cross-infections", but the numbers were telling a different story. I had seen people literally die right after being diagnosed. I was doing everything "wrong", yet I thrived. There had to be more to this story. Always the amateur scientist, it's been my habit to peer into other worlds with immense curiosity. I followed my desires, had done exactly what I wanted to do, was scorned by society yet alive and healthy.

I was so out of balance that only a major course correction was possible, as my "angelic friend" warned. His strange prophecy continued to unravel. This was, indeed, my third program, and here I was about to leave, having successfully served my sentence. There are moments in life when many roads seem to meet simultaneously. This was such a moment. I finally decided to begin HIV medication, after avoiding it for almost 20 years. I reasoned that sufficient time had al-lowed for the development of newer, more promising drugs. After halting my death by not taking AZT years ago, I would resume taking pharmaceuticals if sufficient choices existed. A cure was not the goal, buying time was.

The night before I left San Francisco for good, I began taking an HIV "cocktail" which included the drug Sustiva. After taking my first dose, busy on the computer doing healing work, something happened. Suddenly a feeling of well being enveloped me with "heightened clarity" and focus. Without warning, an intense energy flowed through me. I could barely handle it, yet continued typing as "I" stepped aside and an energy that felt like "God" came through. I was referred to in the third person as if not there. Familiar with channeling, it's important to "get out of the way" and let the message through. The clearest channels are those who add the least tint of their personal beliefs. I had no choice. I was "shoved over" and could only observe as a silent witness. The basic message which came through for the next hour or so was that nothing could stop "Him" from arriving. It felt like a train driving through my body, and I couldn't keep up with the massive amounts of information forming words. It can best be described as stepped down energy which has to come out of the "translation machine". The message took no time to convey to me. It is a limitation of 3D to handle this higher energy that created the problem. My fingers felt like limp spaghetti as typing continued. All I remember is the energy of overpowering love and certainty. There were some "prophetic messages" for individuals, but for the most part it was an "advanced celebration and warning" that nothing could stop this from happening, and soon. In other words, "hang in there, folks". It felt like a force to be reckoned with, unquestionably for the good! We are in that time now and the wise will awaken. "Resistance is futile", say the Borg. Who would be so foolish as to refuse magnificent gifts?

Most of the message came out distorted as "gibberish". Between the lines were phrases about love. As the energy left, my own presence returned. Part of me was humiliated at having sent pages of gobbeldy gook to the Healing Friends. The message bode of impending action; that could not be denied. The healing group took it pretty well, but it was advised that my posts go on "moderation" for a bit. I was in the process of moving anyway, so that occupied all of my time that night. The next day I left. I was headed for my own ranch in Northern California which patiently waited. On the way out of town, I dropped a housemate off at detox. He could not stop using speed, so wisely chose a more controlled environment. Car packed with his and my belongings, he was dropped off and I headed for my own home, which my Dad left me. During my dealing years, it was largely ignored. Several "tenants" had taken advantage of the situation and stopped paying rent. From dealing it became clear that if you left money or drugs out that even the honest will probably steal. I had let people live in both houses and neither was paying rent, having known about my drug addiction. I had since removed them but the small house was a shambles, and there was no money left to "fix it up". Nonetheless I was free and my home waited.

I arrived several hours later, unpacked and began noticing something strange. It felt like a mild acid trip. It didn't take long to figure out the Sustiva had crossed the blood-brain barrier and was creating an altered state of consciousness. That explained the channeling from the day before, as well as the physical changes in vision. Mystical experiences were no stranger to me so I rolled with it; what choice did I have? I had waited almost 20 years before taking HIV medication and was committed to taking them like clockwork each day. The irony of the situation hit me: what would happen if everyone taking Sustiva experienced a similar increase in consciousness? Imagine those with AIDS, the outcasts, suddenly becoming enlightened by a drug to treat the very disease designed to eliminate them in the first place? What if there are other substances that trigger a similar rise in consciousness? Entire groups of people could "awaken" by taking some new medication. For example, what if a heart or blood pressure medication created a higher state? Suddenly, hordes of old people would spring out of walkers to dance jigs, or go outside to "trip" on nature. You go girl!

There appeared an elegant sense of humor to my situation and that of earth. Rather than send one messenger to the planet to be persecuted and murdered again, a smart deity might send millions from all walks of life with the same intent and awareness of a Christed One. There would be no stopping the message. No corrupt church or political base could possibly silence everyone, especially if everyone was timed to awaken in successive waves, almost simultaneously. Humanity would “awaken" together in unity, from which it sources. Taking these thoughts further, what would happen when people who had no spiritual background and no preparation for higher consciousness awakened? Hordes of people might find themselves confronted with confusing myriads of hallucinations, voices and thoughts. I had been "trained" for higher states, yet was totally unprepared for what followed. The third day I had a "Kundalini awakening". This is a highly sought after state, usually resulting from years of meditation and discipline. Suddenly, energy at the base of the spine shoots upwards through all the chakras in the body to properly exit the crown chakra. Attempting to contain this energy can create insanity or death. Kundalini is analogous to the "coiled serpent" or snake, meaning "gnosis" or wisdom. This is one interpretation of the snake informing Eve in the metaphorical Garden of Eden. The medical profession uses this esoteric symbol for "wisdom". If only they practiced that knowledge. Instantly there was an awareness of my entire life in the "now". There was absolutely no doubt that from the first breath to my final moments there were literally no accidents. We receive help and support every step of the way, and everything in life is both telepathic and synchronous. Once the Kundalini is released, like Pandora's Box, the lid is off and there is no turning back. The earth is about to have HER kundalini awakening, and as part of her "body" we are in for a big surprise. My neighbor had a similar experience several months before me, and ended up claiming she and God were working together. As a result, she was admitted to a psychiatric ward. I discovered this is happening with many and that the DNA is mysteriously altering itself – literally unraveling.

Consciousness increased daily over the next four days. All day was spent "talking to myself'. Inner dialogues like Plato's allegories were ongoing. My thoughts were projected somewhere, and in the silence "knowing" was received. An answer allowed me to move on to another question, and so on. From the outside, it must have appeared like a crazy person talking to himself. It causes me to wonder about all those homeless folks who do the same thing. Thankfully I was alone, with a house and several acres of land for solitude. Information flowed about multiple dimensions, how to traverse and create them. The story of Christ was reenacted in three five by twelve raised beds built for vegetables. Mysterious "rites" were performed with complete "knowingness". Decisions were made about the future. In a cleansing process lasting days, items made from synthetics like plastic were thrown by the back door in a pile to be hauled away. At one point there were hovering smiling faces, like sunflowers, glowing whitish-golden angels, encouraging me to continue. There was nothing but love supporting me. My father's ashes, which had been in a box on the mantle, were strewn everywhere to co-mingle the atoms comprising all-that-is. His cremated body, now a fine white powder, was thrown on walls, ceiling, floors, and outdoors. Symbolically, the empty ash container with some of the ashes was placed in each of the three bins. That night the stars appeared to fall from the sky leaving total darkness. I was told we were in the "Polar Shift", and that we would be experiencing a "shift" in the near future. All energy would stop while being converted to "photon power". No synthetic materials would "make it" through the transition during the “Pole Shift”, something later verified through other sources. I suddenly understood the long selection process I'd been making intuitively by dispensing everything plastic. In a strange "ritual", the Bible was placed on top of an antique chair in the "center" of the living room. From there, books were placed on the floor in spirals, like the Fibonacci sequence. By that time, I had released my attachment to material objects, including the house. Outside, Tarot cards were studied individually then strewn onto the land as meanings were intuited. Everything spirals around. Our "choice" is to take each successive "spiral", be it personal, societal or cosmic, further in evolution to make things better. We may choose to enhance life or turn away, but what is done to another we do to ourselves.

Life doesn't make it so simple, but just as we've added many obstacles we can also remove them. Peeling away the metaphoric layers of the onion skin may bring tears from seeing oneself, but they are only "onion tears". It's important to remain detached and impersonal since onion tears are not emotional; it’s only an onion. Remember this while experiencing emotional cleansing. As I laid the copies I was reading onto the earth, each one took me to another level. The most incredible journey was presented by a website called "MultiDimensions.com". It is a miraculous spiritual journey of self exploration and expansion created by Suzan Carroll, who would become another of my radio guests two years later. Everything comes full circle, many times. There was no electricity or heating during the period of darkness. This was a metaphoric ride into the "photon belt" during "the Shift". For me, it became another journey through the dark night of the soul and I wondered if daylight would ever arrive. It was also work on fear and trust. What happened was occurring simultaneously in many dimensions. The house became a giant control room for spaceship earth. My heating came back on, and I saw light energy emanating from the house, which had converted to photonic energy. In the future, homes will be living entities which sense our needs prior to them arising in our awareness. Many roofs will appear green from algae panels converting sunlight into energy, the excess siphoned off for food.

Finally, one lone star appeared in the sky. Another twinkled. They were my brothers and sisters, from which we are all made, and in which we dwell. We have no conception how vast our true nature is. This will change soon. No longer will it be necessary for mankind to literally die to experience "the other side". Our bodies will become personal "light vehicles" to the stars. Communication is telepathic and no one will be able to conceal, manipulate or lie. This will alter the nature of life itself, for the betterment of all. No more "secrets", dirty or otherwise. We all make it together, as one body. Soon there were many stars "birthed" in my new universe. The metaphoric death, birth and rising of Christ took place in three raised beds, and that night I saw spirits take form in misty white clouds floating down the mountain. Eventually, my "trip" led me to walking as far as the papers would lead. I read one, placed it on the ground, and stepped on it like a child playing hopscotch. This journey took me to the border of my property, where I was led to go to my neighbor's house. It was 4:30 a.m. Time had stopped for me, and I had no concept of "right and wrong", or proper etiquette. In fact, I didn't really know my neighbor at all, but intuitively felt he was an incarnation or brother of Jesus. His real name is Joseph. He is a carpenter and he makes pottery. That morning, he happened to be in his garage when I abruptly paid him a visit. Life occurs on many levels, most of which we are unaware. This makes it interesting to know there are multiple layers of experience. For instance, many of the people in our lives today are the same soul or entity with whom we have incarnated many times. We've played numerous roles with one another in agreement for the highest good of all. One's child may have been a parent or relative in another life, and we experiment with incarnating as both sexes with every "preference" imaginable. Some choose transgender, bestiality or transsexuality as a learning experience. Your husband may have been your Aunt! Any and all possibilities occur in the Creator’s desire for experience. We've all been connected at the hip back to the beginning of time itself. Each has personal experiences with the Avatars who are us. I knew intuitively that Joe was expecting me. He acted surprised, but smiled. He asked me what prompted me to visit him, and the only "admonishment" was that in future, I should call first. He is quite a samaritan, Joe. In that moment he was both himself and one close to the Christ expression. We talked simply. He showed me the pottery he was making by hand, including the development of ancient dyes long since lost. He and his wife helped me through the ensuing months by bringing me fire wood and a home cooked meal.

On the fourth day, I imagined that I was perceiving "normally". What an imagination! There were items left in San Francisco to pick up so it seemed like a good time to drive there. Now it seems hilarious since it could have been the death of me and others. It must be "hard wired" into the male ego that no matter what state we're in, we can drive. I've literally crawled on my hands and knees in a public parking lot, drunk to the gills, thinking I could drive home. In a moment of insanity, I chose to leave the sacred space I'd created. No matter - I created a new one in the car. This time the electronics were speaking to me visually with personal messages. The radio beamed live programs from the future hosted by advanced beings. Last, I was telepathically linked to every other driver. Somehow, I got the notion that my car, an automatic, moved into a higher dimension if shifted. It started with the three dimensions we know of. Each shift took me higher. The fourth, fifth and sixth were exhilarating. I wondered what lay beyond. As the car darted in and out of traffic, I was shifting gears and braking simultaneously, as if outside the time and space others existed in. It was like vibrating so fast that no danger was involved in these "other dimensions". I made it to about 21 dimensions when I stopped playing the game. That was enough.

The terms "real" and "imagined" blur. Reality is what we perceive it to be. The more aware we are of ourselves, the richer the experience. Releasing beliefs removes imaginary limitations and expands awareness. In the wind, a green tree bough yields; a brittle one snaps. Nature demonstrates "grow with the flow". During this multidimensional drive, a vision of a potential reality loomed into awareness. I "saw" San Francisco under a red cloud, which seemed like an atomic blast. Intuitively I sensed energies from other drivers and could tell who was self-serving, angry or judgmental. I know that’s easy. A few were linked to me telepathically in some kind of "mission". I relate this story not because of any portents, and not because I believe it's true, but to open the door for others to speak about their own experiences openly. Over the years many have said, "Wow! I had the same experience, but kept quiet because everyone would think I was crazy." Start talking - the time is now and the clock is ticking.

I made it about two thirds of the way to the City, turned off and got lost. Realizing my situation, it seemed perhaps today wasn't the best day for a drive – anywhere! I managed to get back on the freeway going in the other direction. Hallucinations began interjecting their way into my hitherto-ordinary life. Somehow, I had gotten it into my mind that clothing was unnecessary, and managed to strip naked while driving. This is a feat difficult when stone cold sober. How I managed to stay alive is in the hands of angels - what else? My wild ride came to a screeching halt when I ran out of gas and pulled over to the center of the freeway stark naked. The police arrived. I was "in communication" with them, as if we were all actors on a stage pretending to do things in the physical world while the real world was intuitive and empathic. They decided to take me to the hospital emergency room. A tow truck driver came to get my car. I saw him as an incarnation of my friend Kevin. To test my hypothesis, I said telepathically from the back seat of the patrol car, "If you understand what I'm saying, turn around and nod." He did!

At the hospital, I communicated telepathically with the staff. Placed in small examination room, hours passed. Blood was drawn, and a nurse came in to talk to me. She was an incarnation of my dear friend Stella and even looked like her. I recognized her energy, and she informed me that "they", the advanced beings, were analyzing my blood and would prescribe the needed adjustments to heal me from AIDS. I didn't see any of them, but it felt like they were on a ship of some sort. I knew I was in good hands. Next came the psychiatric ward. It was agreed that I had a severe reaction to the Sustiva, and would be safer if observed in a clinical setting. Behind two sets of locked doors, I remained for 7 days and was released on my birthday, September 12th. While there, I met other "soul mates" as well as one that would be called "Satanic or Luciferian". This took the form of a slender young man with a genius mentality and no conscience. In my heightened state I could follow his flawless and perverse logic. There was no doubt about his brilliance, but all he really wanted to do was kill people. That didn't seem compatible with life, and it was reassuring that he was "locked up". The girls I met there were like old lovers. One could affectionately be called a "fag hag", the other an introspective Jewish girl. Both were brilliant and taught me volumes. This was another opportunity to see "live broadcasts". I watched videos during the day, and was shocked to find the actors, the plots, the lines, directed personally to me. It was as if someone wrote, produced and filmed movies for my enlightenment, then captured them holographically so that no matter when they were played, they were beamed live. This was not the first time this had happened to me, so it seemed perfectly natural when Cary Grant delivered an intoxicatingly funny line, turned to the camera (me) and winked. No matter what type of show, be it animated or otherwise, each movie was tailor made for my viewing pleasure. Those who have had this experience know what I'm talking about. It's important to have, and to keep a sense of humor - seriously!

Gradually, the Sustiva began to exit along with the exotic experiences. I was released on my birthday, exactly 7 days after my arrival. The staff was incredible. I have a much better understanding of the heart it takes to work in "mental health". These people have it along with my gratitude. Unfortunately, my car had been towed to a local garage which demanded a king's ransom. I took a taxi 45 miles home and returned with the hostage money. Fortunately, the guy waited for me and brought me back at a "bargain basement price". Once again, it seemed problems handled themselves. More accurately, solutions presented themselves in complete synchronicity. Finally home, after a week of hospitalization, I walked into the aftermath of a tornado. The back door was blocked by an enormous pile of plastic ware and items containing synthetic materials. My library was scattered on the floor with a trail spiraling out from one chair. Having "come down" from the ethereal heights of consciousness, communicating with advanced beings, I was left with one reality: a big fat mess!

Exhausted, financially drained, and emotionally at a new bottom, deep depression took over. Alone in my mess, beautiful weather was whisked away to be replaced by nonstop rain and no wood for the fireplace. Now, 53 years later, I was once again stepping on eggshells only this time they were corn flakes crunching underfoot that I'd put there myself. Dad's ashes, flour, piles of papers, books and clothes were strewn everywhere. I had no health care, money or means of support. My spirit felt crushed and defeated. The neighbor, who I'd fancied was an incarnation of Christ, was kind enough to bring me piles of scrap wood for the fireplace. On Thanksgiving, he and his wife showed up with a dinner plate, warming my heart. Perhaps he was related to Christ. I think we are all related.

I wish that I could say this was the end of the story and everyone lived happily ever after. I cannot. It's important to share the truth, so that others know how difficult it can be to heal from addictions. I used again. It's said in 12 step programs that no matter how much clean time accumulates without using, you pick up where you left off - or worse. As usual, I did the "or worse" part. It isn't necessary to go into the horrid details. Suffice it to say that it didn't get any better, and appeared to be going downhill - fast. According to the "first angel" I'd made it through all of the prophecies, which came meticulously true like clockwork during a 5 year period. As far as I knew, this was all new territory. I was going down the same road with ever-worsening results. I was soon to meet my nemesis and my "savior".

A young man of 24 was looking to meet someone on college break. His name was Michael, as was my last bi-polar lover. We emailed back and forth, and he drove up one weekend. When I opened the door, he took my breath away. Six feet two, 200 pounds, perfect proportions, boyish looks and charm that could kill. I should have wondered then if this was another "angelic setup". It was. Like most, I lived pretty much without thought or awareness. Besides, the small amounts of speed I'd been using daily distorted reality. I had no idea if he used, and felt that it might be an "awkward moment" if we got to that point. In some ways, he was an "old pro". It's hard to imagine anyone more mysterious, more charming or more lovable. I fell in love with him the moment I set eyes on him. How many of you have said those words? After a couple of hours conversing, the subject of drugs surfaced. He said he used, but hadn't for a couple of months. Relieved, I got my little stash out and we smoked some speed. From that moment forward, it was as if a stallion had been let out of it's stall. I've never met anyone as wild, curious, or experimental. He would turn become far more than what I perceived.

Needless to say, that month he moved in without any complaints from me. Thus began a year-long "wild ride" which became a spiritual odyssey. It culminated in my meeting "advanced beings" who guided me through the next phase of my transformation. The transformation was from STS (service to self) to STO (service to others). Some people enjoy the tag of lightworker. I'll just say that whatever dark side lurked within surfaced, was explored and incorporated into the Light. I was finally able to see my drug use and choose to become clean. The results are not always immediate, sometimes they are. We need to allow ourselves time to heal, and within that context old habits may appear as part of the content. Let go and live without guilt.

Judging oneself for "failing", "slipping" or "going backwards", in my experience, only makes matters worse and prolongs the healing process. My own path has been to acknowledge using and take responsibility for each moment. I then ask myself if that is what I really want to do, and imagine the “run” all the way to its end. It's not important whether I have one day or ten years clean. I've had both. My preference is to have a longer period of clean time without using in between. Having gone back and forth hundreds of times, using and detoxifying repeatedly, it's way too difficult to live a consistent life sitting on the fence. An addictive pattern does not allow being a "weekend warrior". We don't know how or when to stop, and if we do ignore it anyway. My tendency is to overdo everything. By overdoing we can overdose as well. I've seen it happen to many, and the nicest of people have fallen by the wayside. Not only are "angels" watching over me, I can now watch over myself. Perhaps that is our shared graduation as stewards of this planet. By taking responsibility, starting with ourselves, we become living angels watching over others. Many years of avoiding responsibility have been transformed. A life of selfish behavior, without much thought about the results, is primarily one lived from the heart.

Don't get me wrong; I'm no angel. It's a daily struggle to see and choose joy and excitement, using my "zany experiences" as a positive message for others. I was given a choice to "check out" or to walk into an unknown future invisibly supported. The "rewards" seemed far more enticing by testing my wings to see if I could fly. I was told about the interpenetrating music of the spheres. The analogy is of a symphony from which several keys are withheld. Those keys rise above the surface of life that we see and know with our ordinary senses, yet are there. A time approaches when those who lead the orchestra and our performance, will reveal those notes and our lives will be seen in the harmonics of their totality. We see a fraction of our own magnificence and beauty through a glass darkly. It's difficult to comprehend what we cannot see, so we must go within to find the pearl. Like a diver going to the bottom, we must never tire of making the plunge. We will find the pearls because they are there, and we have help. Angels in many forms and guises walk among us. Sometimes, they simply take over someone's body for a moment, turn and wink or smile, while other times they may use someone to channel information, such as the "first angel". They also incarnate to enact certain tragic lives which must play out to maintain balance, as in the "butterfly effect". Nothing is as it seems, a truth worth remembering.

There was nothing I could "do" to alter my prophetic warnings. Events had to play out as they did, and I was never given any more than I could handle. A pearl of truth resides in all spiritual legacies but the pearls speak to us personally so there's no need to dig too far. A problem arises only when we try to dig someone else’s pearl. We must think for ourselves and use discernment regarding what we accept as "truth". Einstein said that everything was relative. I'd go a bit further to say that truth is also relative. It's relative to the perception of the beholder, and to the dimension from which one is observing. Spiritual laws are not physical laws. We expect or demand "immutable truths" just as we know that fire will burn us. From a multidimensional perspective truth is paradoxical. What appears to be a horrible tragedy or gross injustice, seen from another view, is necessary in the balancing act of life. Those who step out of judgment discover new worlds and liberation from unnecessary suffering. Love heals all, and love is all there is.

Archangel Michael "came through" my lover Michael. He told me many things in parables and demonstration. He was with me for many days. Each day was an amazing journey into "other worlds" and dimensions. I could never do justice to the magnificent beauty of those days. Besides, everyone must look within and find their own magic and mystery. I know that a 24 year old boy is incapable of explaining "cosmic mysteries", with such love and profound wisdom. Besides, I know I'm crazy, and love it. You must be “out of your mind” to find yourself. Embrace your craziness! Everything must come to an end to create new beginnings. One door closes and another door opens. After a year, I had to be alone. The mystical experiences had occurred around the middle of our relationship, and there was a distinct "entry point" and "end point" to the visitation. I believe that Michael was sent to me to bring messages and teach lessons, and I him. The main lesson is that we do live after death, so relax. The death thing is no big deal. In fact, we're not really "living" until we awaken and that’s when life truly begins. Another message is that we are all headed for the same "gate" or transformational experience. It's referred to as a "Pole Shift" or the "Shift in Consciousness". Some call it the "Awakening", the "Quickening", the "Last Days", "Revelations", "End Times", "Mayan Calendar End" or "2012". Make no mistake, we are in it now. For those who don't give a hoot about spirituality or what's ahead, the way will become more difficult the more you resist. When Michael left at my "insistence", it was a relief. I had supported him the entire time, and discovered that sex was only there when I provided "party favors". The mystical moments happened both while high and not high at all. I was asked by Archangel Michael if I was ready to let go of using. I said yes. He asked again, "Are you sure?" I was at the time. However, the experiences which I was provided were contributing to some kind of learning experience. Michael and I explored many new territories during that period. I let him continue using while I got clean. He didn't overdo it, but kept a minimal habit going. After a week or longer I was "jonesing", and found ways to sneak a little from him indirectly, such as second hand smoke "passed back" from him to me. I became quite “creative” in finding ways to ingest. As he didn't say, "you're cheating", I assumed it was okay. However, it wasn't long before I wanted to use again. There was no judgment; none. I simply used, and when a moment arrived for him to ask me again, to make another choice, I was allowed to choose again. This happened several times. I feel that I was given the opportunity to come from choice, without judgment. The entire process was loving, and occurred in the fullness of time.

In parables I was told about many other worlds, and about his "family". I gathered we are all part of a much larger family. He spoke about his sister Tara (earth) who had been very rebellious over the years. She would "disappear" with-out letting her parents know where she was: She felt "she shouldn't have to!" I think we've all done this along the way. It's called willfulness and ego. I wondered if this had anything to do with the reasons this planet has been immersed in darkness for so long. Perhaps she disconnected and failed to “phone home”. The period of the "spiritual experiences" lasted about three weeks. It began like the note of a scale, rose to a crescendo of sacred space, and slowly descended back again, like a soft landing in feathers. As an Archangel, he was magnificent. As a 24 year old with numerous problems, including denial of his sexuality, it was another story. I had made a commitment to AA Michael that I would get clean, and meant it. Several months later, I began going to meetings. The sex stopped. My temper flared. We both stayed clean, but he lounged around all day reading fantasy novels in his underwear. I couldn't take it any longer and blew up, offering him money to leave. He took it. I continued going to meetings and again my life began to dramatically improve. As my head cleared, I saw the fog I'd been in. Drugs create the illusion that everything is fine and nothing has changed. The world could collapse as you become increasingly unable to deal with the simplest commitments. Priorities shift to full-time partying, and everything else falls onto the back burner. I've never seen one person escape this eventuality. Trust me, I tried.

As life improved, so did my choices. I was able to fix up the 3 bedroom house above me and rented it out to a wonderful family. It was as if they'd been sent to me and they felt the place was meant for them. Much love abounds. I planted the three raised gardens with vegetables. My sense of humor, more than anything else, sustained me. If you can't laugh at yourself, then life becomes something serious, and it's not. Advanced beings are all around us. UFO's, the paranormal, are manifestations of our own projections of higher realities. The UFO metaphor is one that some from other dimensions enjoy though it’s not "necessary". I turned towards spiritual pursuits and joined groups on channeled material, Mayan prophecy, paranormal, conspiracy theories, 2012, UFOs, NDE's and OBE's with the main focus on Awakening. Without awakening, the rest is a dream world. I threw myself into my new found studies with the same zeal expressed for sex and drugs, becoming "obsessed" and insatiable - for knowledge! Here is some of what I discovered along the way.


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